Interesting isn’t it, you can never get the right balance. I used to work in a job that entailed a lot of driving and therefore time alone and then after seeing the kids in the evening I’d be back to mine and alone again. Whilst I am not averse to my own company on occasions it often felt too isolated and some evenings I’d be knocking around by myself for 2-3 hours desperate for release. Now since I moved jobs and house I am hardly ever on my own, I work in an office with a guy who does a similar shift to me and my house mate has taken to staying up now until midnight ish rather than going to his room to watch a vid at 10.30. So consequently I want to be on my own now! Or perhaps it isn’t so much that as wanting to have company that I have chosen rather than being forced to share communal space, there’s an element of that I’m sure I tend to be quite territorial.

However moving out of the place I was in perhaps had a more subconscious driving force behind it in so far as it prevented me from being alone. This is a real RB nemesis I’m afraid, the prospect of total isolation would send me mad very quickly and the idea of it in later life and heaven forbid at the time of death is too much to think about. This is one of the reasons why I am quite looking forward to retirement in sheltered housing it’s like a hall of residence for crusties! You’ve got your own little flat so you can be on your own without a problem, but you have company should you need it either in the communal areas or by knocking on someone’s door. The other useful thing is there are people about if you have a funny turn or fall down the stairs that kind of stuff. No seriously I really like this idea, it’s like sociability and medical attention on tap without it encroaching on your space.

There is a remote possibility of a wardenship of a hall of residence at the uni, it’s extra pay, 3 bedroom flat and some allowances. Financially speaking it would be seriously beneficial, I’d probably be somewhere in the region of £5-7k a year better off what with the saving on travelling as well as the payout and that is serious cash. Furthermore it would serve one useful purpose which otherwise could be tricky which would be that I would be able to have somewhere big enough to have the kids come and visit. This has been a quandry because on the budget that I currently have I cannot afford very much but the reason I have such a low budget is because I am spending so much on getting to work. Anyway in the unlikely event that I were to get such a position in a hall it would mean leaving the kids behind and life changing to a pattern which would be hard for everyone to bear. It may or may not be something I have to do anyway, if this position were to come up tho the financial implications would be sufficiently profound that it would be tantamount to an offer I couldn’t refuse, the prospect of putting my finances in order over the next 5 years is something I must address and that of course also impacts the kids so must be put into the mix. The curious thing was that my daughter chose as her bedtime story one about a little boy whose Daddy goes away to work and has to leave hime behind. It is not the first time she has done something spooky like that but then since she is my daughter I don’t suppose I should be unduly surprised that she can pick up much of the non-verbal communication that I give off. Sometimes I feel she deserves better but she got me so I have to do the best I can, in this instance I am wondering whether skint lifestyle and a small amount of time everyday is any better than larger chunks of time less often and possibly in time a solvent Father. I don’t mean to be patronising but it is difficult for those of you not parents to grasp this one, I’m afraid one simply can’t just rationalise the situation. Sadly there isn’t really anything us parents can do to advise you, parents of the future to avoid the mistakes we make because you don’t understand the level we’re thinking on, this is why we always seem destined to make the same mistakes as our parents.

On the subject of solitude tho’ it interests me that I am sitting here on my own but can sometimes get company from a comment left by Rachel in the US and one of the Protagonists in Japan at the same time as I’m online. We are in many respects the first generation of people able to do this, something that will become I suspect de rigeur in the future. I always find it a little mind-bogling that Rachel is only in the early evening of her day whilst mine is coming to an end and the Protagonist’s is just beginning.

Song Of The Day – Starsailor ~ Silence is Easy

Original Comments:

protagonist made this comment,
the other half of the protagonist is likewise in the US, seperated by half a day from the alter ego. it is strange.
comment added :: 4th July 2004, 14:11 GMT+01
gemstone made this comment,
I’ve always slept alone coz my two brothers are way older than me and I have no sisters.I’ve always hated being lonely but when I think that this coming year I’m gunna have to sleep with a bunch of girls in college… I think company (or lack of ompany) can make a huge difference to life even though it sounds simple… personally, I’m nervous!
comment added :: 4th July 2004, 15:15 GMT+01
Rachel made this comment,
ahh, back to the one word titles are we, well fine, :). especially appreciated the conversations that took place on my blog between you and protagonist, very amusing.
Visit me @

comment added :: 4th July 2004, 21:26 GMT+01
Katie made this comment,
You do realise that as a residence warden you’re not allowed to sleep with/perve at the residents? Just wondered
Visit me @

[Redbaron responds – Ah now I’ve done some research on this, it appears it is not the done thing to perve on your own patch so to speak, perfectly acceptable to perve somewhere else!!! Where’s my telescope!]

comment added :: 6th July 2004, 17:58 GMT+01