I thought I’d post this for those who haven’t seen it already:


In light of your failure to make the correct decision in electing your President, thus showing you to be unfit to govern yourselves, we hereby give you notice of the revocation of your independence effective as of Monday 15th November 2004.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she doesn’t much fancy, and is frankly a bit dodgy.

Your new Prime Minister, the Rt. Hon. Tony Blair M.P. (for the 97.85% of you unaware of the outside world), will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated in twelve months time to determine if any of you noticed.

To aid your transition into a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

All citizens are to look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. While there, check the pronunciation guide for “aluminium” – this may be surprising for you. Generally attempt to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary”. Using the same 27 words interspersed with “like” and “you know” is an unacceptable form of communication. NB. Look up “interspersed”.

There is no such thing as “U.S. English”. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

Learn to distinguish between British and Australian accents. It’s not difficult.

Hollywood will henceforth be required to occasionally cast Englishmen as good guys.

Re-learn your original anthem, “God Save the Queen”. Please ensure that you have complied with the first law before attempting this.

Stop playing American “football”. There is only one kind of “football”. What you refer to as “football” is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you aware of a world outside of your borders may have noticed that no one else plays it. Play proper football instead; to start with get the girls to help you – it is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, eventually, be allowed to play rugby, which is similar to American “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies.

Declare war on Quebec and France, using nukes if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you unaware of the outside world should count yourselves lucky – the Russians have never really been bad guys.
NB. “Merde” is French for “sh*t”.

4th July is no longer a public holiday. 15th November will be the new national holiday.

American cars are hereby banned. They are crap; its for your own good. When we show you German and Japanese cars you’ll understand.

Please tell us who killed JFK. Its been driving us crazy.


Song Of The Day – The Beatles ~ Back In The USSR

Original Comments:

baracuda made this comment,

So, I missed the rugby, but caught some highlights. Excellent result, bodes very well for the spring.

Visit me @ http://myveryownblog.blog-city.com

[Redbaron responds – I can’t believe you missed it, it was just like the game against Australia a couple of years ago -nerve-jangling last 15 mins, we should have beaten them by at least 10 points really. Roll on the 6N]

comment added :: 15th November 2004, 15:26 GMT+01
Rina made this comment,
I’m sorry if this isn’t particularly intelligent, but I nearly can’t breathe for laughing. YOU ARE BRILLIANT! I’m just glad I can laugh at myself enough to acknowledge the fact that every point you made is all too valid. But you knew that already.
Visit me @ http://sugarbowl.blog-city.com

[Redbaron responds – I confess I can’t take the credit for its creation only its proliferation]

comment added :: 15th November 2004, 17:53 GMT+01
Rachel made this comment,
Hahahahahaha. Oh Jesus. At the risk of sounding less than intellegent and simply repeating what Rina has said, I’ll just agree with her and repeat only that yes, you, my friend, are brilliant. 🙂
Visit me @ http://palmysinfullbloom.blog-city.com

comment added :: 15th November 2004, 17:58 GMT+01
Pimme made this comment,
Er… can we REALLY trust Blair to choose a new leader for us? After all, he likes Bush a little too much for my comfort! ;^)
Visit me @ http://pimme.blog-city.com

comment added :: 15th November 2004, 19:21 GMT+01
haywood made this comment,
hey man lay off detroit dawg, we try to make good cars, but those japs have those tiny little fingers, oh wait they use robots to make their cars.
other than that one rant, i think you’re brilliant!
and your blog is hot!

Visit me @ http://cjh9999.blog-city.com

comment added :: 15th November 2004, 22:19 GMT+01
A visitor made this comment,
I loved this 4 years ago. I love it better now, although the love is bittersweet. Glad to see it again. Thanks, Baron.
Kristie [kristiesgu@gmail.com]

comment added :: 15th November 2004, 22:19 GMT+01
A visitor made this comment,
That’s so funny. I wish more people has that sorta hummor. Pop by sometime, I’ve missed you.

comment added :: 15th November 2004, 23:41 GMT+01
Bianca made this comment,
CTFU!! That was so funny that I spat my coffee out!! Thanks for the laugh!
comment added :: 16th November 2004, 04:42 GMT+01
Rachel made this comment,
For some reason, I was remembering the first or second time I came to this blog, and I asked you if you were against Bush. You said something along the lines of, “that’s the topper to the pudding” or something…:) Now, thinking about it, if someone said that to me, I think I’d probably say the same thing, except it would have more profanities. I think it’s been a good five or six months since then. Wow.
Visit me @ http://palmysinfullbloom.blog-city.com

comment added :: 16th November 2004, 14:59 GMT+01
Lonely Geek made this comment,
Heh! The rules are still a bit gray to me…or is that “grey?” What’s in a color…I mean colour (got to get those spellings correct) anyway. You know us Americans…always stirring things up for the past 200 plus years!
Isn’t that strange though, that people in the United States are the only ones referred to as “Americans” when people in Canada, Mexico, Argentina, Panama, etc., are residents on the continents of America too? I’ve always thought of them as Americans because of that…so to make it clear I guess it is easier to call us Americans instead of United Statesans. How about just Cheeky Buggers if RB has his way! Heh!
Visit me @ http://computergeek.blog-city.com/

[Redbaron responds – I agree the continent is uniformly called America, I prefer to call the other inhabitants ‘The Unfortunates’!]

comment added :: 17th November 2004, 17:59 GMT+01