I was anticipating a day of some productivity getting my house in order and building the bunk beds that I brought back from Ikea in a comedy stylee on the motorway yesterday. However I had been up for a little bit, had just had breakfast and I turned round to look at something and something went crunch in my lower back and at that point the brain went into ‘back spasm red alert mode’ which entailed making a struggled move to the nearest bed whilst the pain reached levels that resulted in my language becoming steadily more rooted in the vernacular. Hence I haven’t had the day I expected so I needed someone to take it out on, and what better target…?

I just can’t help it the bloody Monarchy really get on my goat, partially because of the institution exacerbated by the fact that the ones we have are such utter morons, and the more I think about it the more a Winter Palace scenario seems called for -can I really hold off until 2017?

To my mind I simply cannot understand how you can justify such a situation with this bunch of imbeciles who have hardly a grain of talent to rub between them, except the ability for self-publicity and I suspect much of that comes from the aides who are keen to stay in their cushy jobs before marching to the House of Lords, God’s waiting room!

In a purely capitalist sense it is illogical because capitalism thrives on the (false) assumption that everyone can do everything it’s just a question of financial prudence and hard work, well when you have a family who are in a position of considerable influence based only on birthright how can this project a meritocratic image to the people? Furthermore they cost lots of money and produce very little. They are not efficient.

My solution is ‘Royal Big Brother’ [copyright Redbaron Blog 2005-with possible rights sharing with Jimmy Sunshine] -I’m sure it’s an idea that has been vaunted before I believe Comrade Chairman Sunshine and I may have discussed it but this is my version refined over periods of boozing. You take them all to start with. Put the whole family including all related spouses and hangers on. Obviously you have plenty of space in Buck House where it would be filmed and who better to film it than the domestic staff after all they seem to be observing and making transcripts of conversations anyway. Basically the premise would be that to start with you would have to quickly slim the numbers down, after all there are shit loads of them, so after 1 week the bottom 50% should be removed, obviously there would need to be an incentive to stay so those in the rejected 50% would either go into exile or be removed from the Civil List (for the non-brits amongst you the civil list is the money allocated by parliament to pay for the blue-blooded freeloaders.) The remaining lot, well it would be fun to get them doing mundane things so cleaning the house weeding the garden etc. As there’d be quite a lot of them you’d need to get rid of their waste so some pigs and a cesspit would be needed and these would have to be cleaned regularly. Every week one of them would be voted off but the catch is that they wouldn’t be allowed to leave the grounds of Buck House they’d simply be cast out of the house and forced to live within the grounds surviving on their wits. I mean already correct me if I’m wrong but this is sounding like quality entertainment and having got rid of 50% already it is saving the public purse a fucking fortune, it’s a win-win situation!

On a totally unrelated note -Blog City profiles -why did they put USSR in as one of the countries? I couldn’t resist it I mean it just stood out a mile rather than scrumming in with all the other UK lot I now have a country profile area all to me muwahahahaha -splendid! It does open up a new sphere of blog diving, profile diving and blog diving from a profile. I’ll grant you it’s a bit voyeuristic but therein lies the sport.

Song Of The Day ~ The Pixies – Here Comes Your Man

Original Comments:


isy made this comment,
Yes, but who would ‘win’?
What would their prize be?

-Redbaron responds – hmm, you’re right, I hadn’t really considered who would win. I guess my hope was that they might all end up killing each other and save the taxpayer millions, the plan could have a flaw if one of the buggers were to survive, we’d have to think up some suitable “reward” I ought to consult with our Minister of Prizes Citizen Robespierre about that!-

comment added :: 11th August 2005, 08:49 GMT+01 :: http://satireinthesuburbs.blog-city.com