The M1 is not a fucking 2 lane motorway. Neither is it a Formula 1 track which means you do not have to stick to the ‘best line’ to avoid dirt and shite on the road. The inside lane is not just for lorries so why the clucking bell do so many bastards refuse point blank to use it? It makes something of a mockery of the idea of widening motorways to ease congestion because the same fuckers are jusst going to sit in the outside lane and the one next to it because of the repelling polarity of the lanes to the left.

Perhaps I am a little over-animated on this occasion but having spent nearly 3 hours on the motorway largely caused by these lane-aparteid buffoons I am, I feel, entitled to be a little fraught. I mean fair dos if you can see in front that there’s a slow moving car or truck or caravan or such like and you’re in the middle lane, but when I say see I mean within the normal bounds of visibility rather than presuming there must be something 10 miles up the road, I’m long-sighted and all but that’s going too bloody far.

I have actually seen people driving in the outside lane with nothing inside them, and after I have sat behind them for a little then got pissed off and flashed them to move over, they have moved into the middle lane, not the inside lane mind, until I’ve passed and then, and then the gobshite has gone back into the outside lane again. AAAAAAAAAAARGH!

I am not a calm driver, this may not come as a surprise to many regular readers, I hate driving, I know it is a way to get from A to B the point is I don’t want to be halfway in between I want to be at B. I can tolerate those that are just winding their way along, I don’t mind people passing me at higher speed than me, after all these people are very useful minesweepers for any Filth that may be lurking in laybys or on bridges. I grin and bear the motorcyclists that have the sunburst headlamps that mean you can’t see properly for 3 days after they’ve sat in your rear-view for 3 minutes. I don’t like trucks but that’s more a political thing except the fact they’ll sometimes try to relive boredom by running you into the central reservation. What I really object to is the formulaic idiocy of the clumsy driving sheep. They’re a bunch of drones driving their silver cars, the Ford Fuckarse or the Vauxhall Astronomical or the BMW X5 driver with only 1 person in the car OOOOOOOOOOOOH I HATE THEM!

Is it a class thing, is it that the inside lane is supposed to say something about you, like if you’re middle class you can’t possibly deign to condescend to the lower levels of the inside lane? But you must see that this is not the case since you’ll see all the Subaru Imprezza drivers steaming up there slipstreaming into those 4 foot long spaces.

So in future if you’re in the outside lane and you see a ordinaryish looking green car coming up at mildly above average speed you have 2 options:

  • a) Get out of the fecking way.
  • b) Find out whether I have managed to perfect the dual-mounted kalashnikov custom extra to the front of my car. Go to heaven courtesy of AK-47.

– And breathe out.

Song Of The Day ~ The Men They Couldn’t Hang – Ironmasters

Original Comments:

John made this comment,
Don’t you just wish that you still had your nice red ‘Fokker Dr1’ ?
comment added :: 3rd October 2005, 15:05 GMT+01 ::

Kristie made this comment,
So why don’t you just pass on one of the inside lanes, instead of hanging out behind the cars in the passing lane, becoming enraged?
-Redbaron responds – Because that is your actual undertaking and is officially against the law, and the Baron being such an upstanding citizen could not countenance such behaviour! Besides which you can never tell whether the tossers will swing in without looking in their side mirror. That all being said, I have a rule, I will go behind someone leaving enough distance and give them time to move, if they don’t, then I flash them and if they still don’t respond then I will pass them on the inside and give them the cocksucker sign which I feel is well-merited in this circumstance!-

comment added :: 3rd October 2005, 16:38 GMT+01
Kristie made this comment,
What kind of revolutionary is that bound by law??? 😀 In America, we move freely between lanes. It’s only illegal to pass on the shoulder, or where road markings otherwise prohibit it.
-Redbaron responds – Yes but then Americans like to move freely between countries as well, and besides you drive on the wrong side of the road! I am not an anarchist I agree with the concept of laws, I just think most of the current ones are bollocks!-

comment added :: 3rd October 2005, 21:30 GMT+01

moog made this comment,
i undertake, but i think its a sign of fear.. i also drift into other lanes.. 🙂
comment added :: 5th October 2005, 21:59 GMT+01