I read Inigo Wilson’s Lefty Lexicon and the subsequent discussion. I cannot say I found it riveting, or amusing or even contraversial. it seemed rather like the sort of conversation I would expect a reminiscing group of old-Etonians to have. Wilson, a Community Affairs Manager for UK telcoms company Orange showed a rather bigotted sense of humour, he clearly likes the sound of his own voice, or in this case the look of his own words and the conservative acolytes leaving comments sounded more like Beavis and Butthead discussing global politics than a sharply satirical swipe at all things leftist. It became quite clear to me that Wilson doesn’t actually seem to have much of a grasp as to what leftist really is. The one piece of amusement that there was pertained to the fact that he has since been suspended from his job pending an investigation. There has been an outcry from many regarding Wilson’s right to say what he wants without censure and even many of the liberals have cited Voltaire etc. However I think the most pertinent fact is that Wilson has shown a complete lack of compentence for his job and whilst one could cast aspertions as to the interview process that didn’t weed him out in the process as an Orange customer I have to feel that perhaps now a better qualified individual may be appointed as a result of Wilson’s removal.

I decided to write my own lexicon a Tory Terminology if you will, to see whether it was, as in the case of Inigo Wilson’s an exercise that sucks all the humour out of the writer. I shall leave you to be the judge of whether it is or not.

  • A – Americawhat we want to turn this country into; Adam Smitheconomist, wrote lots of stuff which backs up anything we do; AnarchySystem where the unwashed black-clad teenagers and unemployed take over.
  • B – Back To BasicsConservative Party BDSM study group; BritishUnambiguous, non-hybrid, nationality and identity.
  • C – Corporate responsibilityHair-brained lefty scheme designed to make companies less efficient by worrying about ethics rather than profits.
  • D – DemocracyNecessary evil by which ‘our people’ can continue to govern whilst giving the semblence of choice to the great unwashed.
  • E – Euroscepticismour parents and grandparents fought wars against Johnny Foreigner you know; ElitismI get to take first because I was born in a big house, then it’s Hastings-Prosser because he comes from a posh family, you can have your turn later because you were born in a council flat; EmpireThe good old days of the ‘We Rule It’ map of the world.
  • F – FascismLabel we’re always tarred with, which can’t be true because that Hitler chappy led the National Socialist German Workers Party so clearly they were all a bunch of sausage-munching socialist peasants and foreign to boot; Futures market Method of economic speculation on things that haven’t happened yet based on known factors and predictions, and nothing like a planned economy at all; Flat TaxA taxation system whereby everyone pays the same amount regardless of earning, sounds vaguely familiar; Free MarketSystem by which we are free to impose whatever import tariffs we like on our market in order to prevent foreign goods from competing with our own producers;
  • G – Green IssuesPollution, what pollution? Look I use unleaded fuel in my BMW X5 you know; St. George Patron saint of England, born in Godalming, Surrey; GreedIntegral part of human nature and the reason Communism can never work.
  • H – Human Rightsa left-wing conspiracy designed purely to allow proles to sue their betters.
  • I – Individualismforcing people to go against humans group mentality to work against rather than with each other. IslamophobicA perfectly rational mistrust of a group of darkies and towelheads who believe in a God with a principle prophet and gather together in buildings and sing and chant stuff from their holy book, I mean have you ever heard anything like it? Immigrationmeans by which foreigners decide they’re bored in their own country so they’ll come to abuse our welfare system because we are a soft touch.
  • J – JerusalemCity built in England’s green and pleasant land believed to have been somewhere near Basingstoke though the exact location archaeologists haven’t discovered yet, gave it’s name to a city in the Middle East.
  • K – Karl MarxBearded Victorian era buffoon always quoted by lefties whose writings none of us Tories have actually read, because he was a Kraut and the books have big words in them;
  • L – Left-Wingany political theory not to the right of Thatcherism
  • M – Multi-Culturalisma deliberate attempt to subvert our glorious British culture with foreign influences, we don’t need foreign influences, we call an entrepreneur and entrepreneur and have our own cuisine like Chicken Tikka Masala. If you want to come over here then you fit in and accept our culture like the Celts, Romans, Anglo-Saxons and Normans did.
  • N – NHSA drain on the funds of people who have BUPA and don’t need public healthcare anyway; National Service Bring it back, didn’t do any of us any harm, the occasional forced buggery is character-building stuff, and mandatory for the Navy;
  • O – ‘On your bike’ what do you mean you don’t have the same opportunities? Oilmmm, lovely oil; Old School TieThe method by which through no individual merit we can get jobs with other alumni from our alma mater.
  • P – PrivatisationSplendid scheme by which we sell things that people already own back to them at a huge profit and make them pay even more for the service thereafter; Poll TaxSystem by which everyone is charged the same amount regardless of services received and ability to pay, not to be openly supported again until we can come up with a name for it that doesn’t hark back to Mrs T. (See also ‘Flat Tax.’)
  • Q – QuangosA way for disgraced party members or friends and family to have a nice little earner without doing any work.
  • R – Renewable EnergyLeftist plot to deprive philanthropic oil companies of their profits RacismUsed against us spurriously, we have nothing against Johnny Foreigner provided he stays in his own country and doesn’t come here and take our jobs and women.
  • S – Special Relationship – The conservative policy whereby whoever is in charge sticks their head so far up the US Premier’s posterier as to have brown shoulder blades let alone nose; South AfricaA country whose economy was performing perfectly well until the status quo was changed due to some politically-correct leftist cabal; Social CohesionHas the word social in it, like socialism so it can’t be a good thing can it?
  • T – Terroristalready defined by George W. Bush, anyone who doesn’t agree with our Western neo-conservative right to control their country; TaxConspiracy by which money is taken from good people to pay for foreigners to have houses and nice jobs and free healthcare.
  • U – UNOrganisation mostly of foreigners that doesn’t always have a Pro-US stance and therefore must be Communist; USSRCommunist state monolith that all lefties aspire to create only serving to prove that the leftie system doesn’t work.
  • V – VictorianThe golden age when we ruled the world and only had one other political party to contend with and they were almost as right-wing as us… wait a minute…!
  • W – Workerslarge number of people who speak with some unintelligible dialect that because it isn’t received pronunciation we won’t bother listening to; Welfare StateMeans by which the bone ideal avoid doing any work.
  • X – Ideas on a postcard please
  • Y – YTSWaste of money, spell in the army would do them good.
  • Z – SeeX

Song Of The Day ~ U2 – In God’s Country

Original Comments:

Danny the Infidel made this comment,
Well, Kamrat Baron. Not everyone can be as Red, Radical and purely Revolutenary as you. Somr of us, including Mr Inigo Wilson, surely are not as a great proleteriat poet as you.

comment added :: 9th September 2006, 20:12 GMT+01
ComradeDave made this comment,
Do you mind if I use this for the Carnival of Socialism #9? I found it highly entertaining!
-Comrade Dave http://theredmantis.blogspot.com/

comment added :: 24th September 2006, 22:50 GMT+01 :: http://theredmantis.blogspot.com/
Rachel made this comment,
Miss you. Hoping my computer will let me post this comment…
comment added :: 3rd October 2006, 00:23 GMT+01
Ozair made this comment,
Are you the same red baron on fm89!? then again i dont think you are… 🙂
comment added :: 8th October 2006, 18:14 GMT+01
Jimmy Sunshine made this comment,
Long time no see fella, all ok in the people’s republic of putney?
comment added :: 16th November 2006, 11:29 GMT+01